The Art of Active Listening & How It Can Improve Your Relationships Immediately

 People in society tend to listen long enough to each other, 

in order to induce their own response.

How often have you truly sat and listened to someone speak during a one-on-one conversation?

Listening can be a challenge for some individuals, as they are constantly standing at the edge of a response.  How well are we communicating with those in our lives? Do we really listen to our co-workers, spouse, children, or even strangers that we encounter throughout the day?

The next time you have an opportunity to converse with someone... anyone... I challenge you to actually listen to them intentionally, without the need to respond.  During this exercise, actively connect with their eyes, so that you can engage in a way that many times we neglect to do.

As you listen to their words, you may notice body language that tells a deeper story than the ideas they are portraying.  Perhaps, you see them struggle to say something, and you realize that their words do not match the meaning behind them.  

If you were to ask your child how they made out at school today, and they simply said a fading, "Fine" as they sulked across the room, active listening may have told you something more of what was going on.  This would have allowed you the opportunity to press further, to make sure they were truly okay, rather than shrugging it off because all your brain heard was the word, "Fine".  When we don't pay attention enough, we miss what is being expressed by other's overall demeanor. 

When we are sharing communications with those around us, it is imperative to put down the phone, turn away from the television or computer screen, and give the person our full attention.  Our social media society is lacking in their ability to focus on what is right in front of them in reality.  Instead, we find ourselves immersed within a digital world, and our attention is split, so that we aren't really in tune with those around us.

If you are looking to truly re-engage with the people in your life, try making eye contact and giving them 100% of your attention during your conversations.  You will find that simply connecting with someone on an eye level, and removing all other distractions from your immediate attention, will help you foster an extraordinary connection.  This real type of engagement is lacking on all fronts in our society today and we are paying a bigger price than we currently realize.  A inherent breakdown in all communication systems will be the final result, if this continues to be a trending habit.

I encourage you to try active listening immediately, and see the difference in how you relate to those around you.  You may not only gain an insight into someone's meaning behind the words they use, but you might also pick up on emotions that are never spoken out loud.

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Here is a great exercise for you to try!

Dedicated Listening

This exercise requires a partner.

Ask a friend or loved one to join you for 10 minutes of practice.

They may be a complete beginner to mindfulness or have a practice of their own.

It doesn’t matter!

In this exercise, you both will be working with the practice of listening mindfully.

Whomever you choose, they should be somebody you trust.

The practice will require some vulnerability.

The partner who is listening should listen attentively, with a clear mind and no judgment.

Try to be present with the experience of listening, and let go of the need to respond.

While listening, you should retain awareness of your own experience as you take in the

words the other is saying.

Listening and Speaking with a Partner

Explore what it means to be present while listening.

When speaking, practice mindful speech.

Be honest, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and observe the words you are saying.

Sit down at eye level with your partner.

Choose one person to speak first while the other listens.

Set a timer for four minutes.

The person who speaks first can begin talking about goals and intentions they have—

for their day, for their loved ones, for their future, and so on.

When the timer goes off, switch roles.

The other person can now talk about their goals and intentions, while the other person

practices mindful listening.

When the timer completes, spend a few minutes conversing.

How was the practice?

What was it like to sit and just listen?

Was it difficult to not respond?